If you’re happy and you know it!!! *9 months in*

Hi Y’all! Long time no check in hunh?! Blame my head not my heart…my schedule has been several kinds of disrespectful lately…but it’s finally leveling out a little, so here I am. I’ll get it together…I promise. Since I’ve last checked in I’ve turned 40, gained 5 pounds, drifted away from some folks, and gotten closer to others, and I’m smiling through it all.

Anywhooo…Today is April 15th and me and the Mr. have officially been married for 9 months! 9 months?!…Sheesh! Time is flying…guess it does when you’re having fun…and boy are we!!!! He makes me smile till my face hurts, laugh till my stomach hurts, love till my heart hurts, and pray till my faith hurts. I knew that marriage would be an adventure, and I’ve always been up for a good one, and with the life partner I was gifted to take on this adventure, I’m experiencing levels of happy I thought impossible. I find it uplifts some and makes others bristle, but anybody that knows me knows that people’s thoughts and opinions don’t often matter much to me (it’s a blessing and a curse). I guess it’s an Aries thing…and it’s definitely a 40 thing…LOL! In this world (tangible and the evolving universe of social media) happy seems to be in short supply so I’m going bask in it whenever it’s available.

Happy is a noun, verb, and an adjective; it’s a currency; it’s a choice; it’s a lifestyle. Happy is a hopegiver, a lightbringer, a heartringer…and FRANKLY this miseable @$$ world needs to see more of it. I’ve earned my happy, I’ve paid hella dues, and I’m not hiding, minimizing, or watering it down for ANYBODY…hear me?!…ANY-BO-DY! In the pockets of time that I was severely unhappy, I thrived on seeing others happy around me. It gave me hope that my situation could improve as well; it encouraged me to not stay suspended in that specific space and time, but trust that things should, could, and would get better. Once it did get better, I committed to making sure my appreciation for happiness was in full on view. So here’s a suggestion…

  • Intentionally seek things that bring “happy”…colors, music, people, places, food, clothes, shoes, books, movies, poems, whatever.
  • Intentionally shun things that support misery…people, places, posts, pages, blogs, and any other unnecessary BS.
  • Unfollow people (family included) (on social media and in real life) that make you second guess “You”. I don’t mean the healthy, “she makes me want to level up” second guess, I mean the pages/people that only highlight how much better than everyone and everything they are, the pages and posers…oops I meant posters, that multiply your insecurities
  • Empower yourself in small ways daily…download a daily affirmation app, set small daily goals that you can accomplish , seek goals and affirmations that challenge but not discourage you
  • Don’t apologize to people that you outgrow; everyone can’t go to the destination created for your individual brilliance
  • Encourage others, compliment someone, smile at a stranger…Happy is infectious
  • Don’t make mental excuses to stay planted in soil that isn’t fruitful, “New roots grow new fruit”…be that a job, a relationship, a social group (online or real life), a home, etc
  • GO FOR IT! whatever “It” is…fail forward, fall favorably, take chances!

While these suggestions may seem simple, and some out of your comfort zone, they are all small steps toward large rewards. I’ve tried them all and continue to practice these as often as possible to maintain my sanity, perfect my peace, and hone my happy….and honeeeey I’m having a blast!!! I’ll check in soon, and I hope to find you guys seeking sunshine literally and figuratively…until then…hunt your happy!

~My Life as the Wyfe~

6 Months Down…Forever to Go!

6 whole months…Sheesh! 184 days whole days?! I’ve been a Mrs. for 1/2 a year now and I’m still floating…It’s crazy!!!. I’m still a giggly, googly-eyed girl with a crush on an adorable boy who gave me his heart and his last name to seal the deal. I checked in on 100 days in, but 6 months feels like an official “milestone”. Wow…I really got married! My enthusiasm may be over-the-top for a few cynics and otherwise unhelpful folk…lol…but when I say I’ve paid my dues….HONEYYYYY….I👏🏾 HAVE 👏🏾PAID 👏🏾MY 👏🏾DUES, and will smile as long as I wanna and I have been.

This time (12:30 pm) on July 15, 2018, the mayhem was full underway at this point… I was delirious from no sleep (stayed up until 4 doing that da*n seating chart…woke up at 8); the seamstress was MIA with the remaining bridesmaids’ dresses (not answering her phone) somewhere between NJ and MD (wheew chile I’m boiling all over again); I couldn’t find my foundation that I’d purchased the day before (somebody make a mall run!!!); the venue was being difficult about starting set-up “so early” (after we had already gotten the Ok the day before); I was walking in circles trying not to call the Mr. and meltdown (mission failed, I called, he answered, I dissolved into a puddle of tears); and Now it was starting to rain! Whhhhy Jesus?!

Talk about panic…I was full on hysterical on the inside…while trying to keep my cool on the outside. My bridal army saved me that morning with prayers, laughter, and patience…I swear I thank GOD for them. I was repeatedly assured that one day I’d be able to laugh about it all…and you know what…they were right.

The “How’s Married Life” and “Do You Feel Any Different’s” have died down now. The photos have been oohed and ahhed over (still waiting on my album tho). My dress is tucked away somewhere, having yet to be dry-cleaned (don’t judge me…there’s a good reason…blame it on the seamstress).  

Now I have more time to reflect. So here goes…For my friends and readers who are “Bride’s to Be” here’s what I know…

  • DO NOT RUSH!!! It’s better to put your day off for a few months than to try and squeeze it into a small window…disaster will ensue!
  • There will be soooo much self-induced pressure to make your day “perfect”…Do NOT Drive Your Self Crazy…It’s disrespectfully easy to do so
  • There are sooooo many ways to save money…I found a ton! I’ll do a separate post for that
  • Your guest list will grow, capping it will be hard, people will be upset, and that will be ok. Set a number. Stick to it. Operate within it. PERIOD. This part can be a separate blog post in itself (*thinks to self* Hmmmm…maybe I’ll do a “Bride-to-Be series“)
  • Stand firm on what your vision and expectations are for that day from vendors AND wedding party participants. The only dictators of decisions should be practicality, your budget, and you and your partner’s wishesPERIOD!!
  • The day will go by in a blur!!! No seriously…you’ll look up and it’s starting and then it’s over…and you are exhausted. So TAKE IT IN

For all my friends and/or readers who are “Newlyweds” and “Not So Newly Wed” here’s what I’ve learned and/or am gaining a deeper understanding of…

  • Knowing how to be a team player is SOOOOO essential…Thank GOD for organized sports as a kid! There is an art to “adjusting” for the good of the team without seeing it as a “sacrifice”. Viewing adjustments as sacrifices can plant a seed of resentment if you are not careful
  • Maintaining some semblance of “individuality” is the secret to “sanity”. While the Mr. is absolutely my BFF (we have fun doing a whole bunch of nothing together), still hanging out with family, friends, and yourself is a MUST…so you don’t drive each other nuts. I love that both he and I can hang out with our friends apart from each other without the other feeling left behind.
  • Date days are ESSENTIAL!!! While settling in to “married life is comfortable, and that “marriage bubble” is a real thing; “Dating” your other half still gives the vibe of being courted, tended to, and enjoyable to be around. My husband will always be my “boyfriend” too! That’s my Bew!
  • COMMUNICATE! If you already do this well great. BUT…forever is a looong time. Little “annoyances” can turn into verbal “Full Blown Bar Brawls” if you allow yourself to ignore too many “little” things. If face to face communication isn’t your strength…text…carefully, or email is an option…just to broach the subject at least. From “To puppy or not to puppy” to “when to start trying for kids”, are all conversations that can go horribly wrong if communication is a problem
  • Be considerate!! You’d be surprised how many people find themselves still making “mini” single decisions ranging everywhere from spending “their” money to making weekend plans. While you’re still your own person I can’t stress enough how decisions are unconsciously viewed with a different lens once you’re officially married.
  • PATIENCE. PATIENCE. PATIENCE. No one is perfect…and we ALL always have room for growth. I am always one to stress that “when you agree to marry someone you agree to take them as they are at that moment in time”. However, I am also an advocate of letting time mold minds and make magic. Take your forever one day at a time…and enjoy what’s here while you wait.

At the end of this post, I find myself smiling and wrapped up in the accomplishment of 6 months to the day. I can’t wait to get home and snuggle my bear (he’s sick) and look forward to day 185 of forever. Until next time I hope you enjoyed your peek into ~My Life as the Wyfe~

Are you “Comfortable”…Orrr is this just “Familiar”?

I’ll be the first to reluctantly say…I’ve made more questionable decisions than I’ll ever readily admit, based on “Familiarity” rather than “Comfort”.

Often times we make major decisions based on how they feel at the moment while not entertaining the long-term implications as it relates to comfort. Going where you SHOULD go is often harder than going with what you ALREADY know, and the end result ain’t always pretty. We’ve all heard the old adage “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got“. Welp, I can assure you…truth rings loudly in that little sentence and results can be extremely uncomfortable…especially as you get older. Finding a way to differentiate between comfortable and familiar can be tricky and requires you to be open to feedback and transparent with yourself, if no one else. It also requires a level of maturity and self-reflection that you’ll have to prepare yourself for because it can get a little bumpy.

If you’ve known me for a while (or maybe even a little…lol)…you’d know I’m impatient…I can be a bit of a rebel…I hate rules…and I’ve probably earned a lifetime achievement award for doing the opposite of what I’m told to do (I’ve gotten better…don’t judge me). While this is an absolute testament to my love for and penchant for independence; it’s also a testimony to how many times I’ve tackled things head on (all emotion and limited vision), gotten overwhelmed, and ultimately settled with what was familiar versus what would ULTIMATELY make me comfortable…even if not right away. This usually resulted in me resenting myself and the people connected to the situation I was in, left me feeling smothered and unproductive, and flat-out frustrated. Not good for me…or the people around me…Trust me. Though I pride myself on thinking 5 steps ahead, 3 backward (just in case I need to reset), 2 to the left, and 2 to the right…There are times that I’ve apparently done that with one eye open, half-focused, and 1 ear clogged…LOL.

I’ll use how me and the Mr. came about, as an example. In the beginning, our relationship was “less than ideal” to say the least. While the physical attraction was instant and borderline overbearing; the spiritual compatibility was striking, and the similarities in our childhoods and overall life goals were freakishly similar…there were some ummmm…obstacles that I either unwisely ignored or stubbornly charged toward without regard for the extraneous variables. However, due to the shenanigans of my previous relationship, I was “familiar” with discomfort, “familiar” with uncertainty, “familiar” with frustration”, “familiar” with compromise, and as a result…the glaring lack of comfort wasn’t the deterrent it should have been. I rushed head in, knowing there were dangers, and dug in even deeper when the immovable force of my persistence met uncertainty and resistance. Overall, it cost me a lot in terms of the progress I fought to make in a previous stressful relationship and almost my sanity…Lawdamercy.

I prayed endlessly and always got the same instructions of “Be Patient, Be Still, Be Quiet” (the three things I never do) and our situation didn’t evolve into what we are now, until I did just that. While I would do it all again knowing it would lead me back to the magic I have with the Mr. now…It could have and ultimately should have, been done differently in order to save us both some tears, frustration, stress, and uncertainty, and definitely would have been a lot less uncomfortable.

I’ve found that when I weigh it all out and lay it all out; process my moves AFTER my emotions; and think about the long term-implications vs. the short-term gain…I’ve fared waaaaay better…and as a result have found myself waaaaaay happier. When I committed to learning to better differentiate between comfort and familiarity, I’ve found that by doing a quick but detailed checklist process, I am better able to see all sides of the Rubix Cube that my issue presents itself in at that time, and move accordingly. I now make mini and/or monumental moves by dissecting the following topics and associated questions:

  • Familiarity
    • Have I been in a similar situation before?
    • Do I already know the outcome?
    • Is/are these feeling/s familiar to me?
    • Am I displaying familiar habits?
    • Is this situation causing me to “flashback”?
    • Am I getting responses from others that are similar to ones I’ve gotten before?
  • Comfort
    • Can I remain in this situation long-term?
    • Will my decision benefit me and/or others involved?
    • Am I confident in my decision or questioning myself?
    • Am I hesitant to tell others about it?
    • How many areas of my life does this improve?
    • Am I compromising myself/my faith/my beliefs?
    • AM I COMFORTABLE?

Now that I’m married, I have to remain conscious of the realities that all of my decisions large and small don’t impact just ME; whatever I commit “me” to…I’m potentially committing “Us” to; and my emotional, financial, and physical disposition is not just MY concern anymore…he’s invested as well.

While I don’t have all the answers, I try to keep a mental pegboard of the things I learn, to pass on to others and hoping this lesson serves as a road map somewhere for someone.

That quick check-list above helps me stabilize the emotions connected to my actions and view the situation externally in order to see the “bigger picture” and potential “best outcome”. It’s not an exact science but I’ll be honest and note that when I move strategically and not spontaneously…I win. Whatever major moves you’re making right now be it relationship(s), career changes, house hunting, financial moves, or new hair (lol…no seriously); Pause, recalibrate, checklist your motive and move accordingly.

~My Life As The Wife~

Holy Hell…It’s Time for “Happy Holidays”

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YAAAAY…it’s that time again…aaand yay (insert sarcasm here) it’s THAT time again.  It’s time for pie prepping, turkey carving, carol singing, and bell ringing…this a joyous time indeed! Kid’s are smiling, money’s flying, bows are tying…holidays are here! 

 The start of the holiday season fills me with childlike glee! Buuut…(Self-disclosure time…Yippee Frickin Skippee) every year, like clock-work…it overwhelms me with annoying anxiety too.  As a mental health professional and a teacher…I’m accustomed to and skilled to deal with the changes I know I’ll note in my clients and students as the “Holiday Hell” countdown begins. Yet…I’m never prepared to assess and address how it affects me. It’d be a little easier, I guess, if there were one specific thing that “itched my eyeballs” (a term I use to describe extreme annoyance or discomfort) buuuut…that’d be waaay too easy.  Instead there this hodgepodge of memories, personal idiosyncrasies, and other random foolishness that always kinda pricks my nerves during this time.  

To start…my childhood home life was…let’s say ummmm a lot livelier than a “normal” home…and disagreements were frequent around the holidays.  It eventually became sort of this “Bass Ackwards” tradition that holidays were the time to “fight”…and though I guess I adapted, it always made me nervous when that time rolled around.  The crazy part is…the older I got, and the more accustomed I became, the more it affected me.  Now that I’m grown, in my own house, with my own spouse…I think it’s the actual “calm”, “normalcy” and “happy” that scares me…because I’m always secretly afraid it’ll be short-lived. Sooo Now who’s  “Bass Ackwards”? (a$$ backward backward for those that are a little lost…lol).

Then there’s my notorious lack of patience. Unfortunately… it’s no secret that during holiday time, slow traffic, long lines, rude customers, and hold-times that test your religion are the star of the “Holiday Rush” show.  Traffic, Long Lines, Being on Hold…anything that requires me to be held temporarily hostage because of other people…makes me a looney tune. No seriously…I’ve parked my car on the shoulder during a traffic jam, just because the consistent stop-and-go until folks get it together, makes me nuttier than squirrel poop (don’t you judge me…lol). I legit think I need mood-stabilizers for traffic…LOL. Anyhoo…the constant rush, hustle, and bustle of holiday time makes me feel like I absolutely can’t deal 

Finally, I admittedly overload myself.  The childlike glee I alluded to earlier…yeah that…It’s to be celebrated, buuuut it also causes a liiiitle problem. See…I loooooove buying gifts, wrapping gifts (it’s famous among my family and friends), decorating, cooking, hosting guests, etc.. But I always commit myself to too much, with too little time and then I’m overwhelmed, out of time, and slightly (secretly) exhausted and can’t blame anybody but me. Yep…I’m a piece of work.  By the time the actual holidays get here I’m so worn out…it kinda dims the magical glow of the moment a bit at times if I don’t reel it in. 

Add all of these things together and by December 31st, I’m ready to check myself into the “weirdo wing” of your nearest mental hospital. 

I’m sure I’m not the only one that finds themselves a little “on edge” this time of year. If you’ve found yourself to be part of this illustrious and highly-coveted club there are a few things you can do to maintain your sanity…Here goes…

  • Set boundaries…Time, Emotional, & Financial Boundaries for travel, relatives, gifts, decorations, food, etc..
    • If you visit home (if you’re from out of state) don’t stress yourself trying to visit everyone…it’s not realistic and that’s ok 
    • If you can’t afford to buy everyone the gifts you’d like them to have…that’s ok too 
    • If you know that aunt that grinds your gears will be at the dinner table…keep convo with her minimal…you’re an adult now…small talk isn’t mandatory
  • Don’t feel guilty about declining invitations to holiday events if you’re not feeling up to it…it’s okay to take time to reset 
  • If you know large shopping crowds aren’t for you, try to frequent stores later in the evening or earlier in the day if possible
  • If sad memories creep up on you, try and remember the good times, talk to someone who shares positive memories with those people/persons too, or have a good cry…that’s actually normal
  • Try and find some positives throughout the day…even if they’re small 

If these don’t work…you can give these a whirl too…

When the holidays are over…hopefully I’ll still be mentally stable and maintaining a smile.  I’m confident I can make it through…even if I’m hanging on by a thread…LOL. Hopefully, you can too…Hang in there…I’m rooting for you.

-MyLifeAsThe Wyfe-

Serving my feelings…

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You  may ask…what exactly does it mean to “Serve Your Feelings”?

Welp…I’m no expert but here’s an abridged, personally curated version…It essentially means… Responding to an emotional trigger in a manner that only validates how you feel and what you think; not considering any other parties involved, potential consequences of your response, or room for acknowledgment of error. 

This week, I found myself feeling unable to effectively do my job, for either of my jobs, feeling physically stressed, emotionally overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, and overall just in my feelings.  I knew if I reported to work I would be unable to perform my job to respectable capacity if I wasn’t able or allowed to express how I felt, what it affected, or who should “fix it” and be held accountable.  It wasn’t until I processed my feelings, that I was able to consider how my lack of presence may have affected others and facilitated the possibility for positive change on that particular day.   I still feel like, for my emotional and physical safety, I made the right choice, but I can’t help but lament how I may have negatively affected some things too. Serving my feelings didn’t necessarily serve its purpose in this situation. 

Okay now…full transparency…I am and have always been a “Serve my feelings” kinda girl.  

If I feel it, I most likely say it, orrrr, I wear it on my face so clearly that I may as well say it. This goes for good and bad feelings, but mostly bad.  If I’m happy about something it’s not always as obvious. LOL…there are times that on the inside I am beaming with full-on glee, and look like I’m having a regular ole’day.

But honeeeeey…If I don’t like something, feel emotionally accosted, see my family or friends doing something “stupid”, feel like someone is slacking off on what they should be doing in my opinion, or feel otherwise offended…IT IS KNOWN…intentionally or not.  Selfishly, I tell myself that whatever is upsetting me needs to change, and whoever is doing it needs to change it.  Completely ignoring that my interpretation of a slight or a trigger doesn’t validate that there actually is one. Also ignoring that my responses to that trigger may have eliminated the possibility for change to come about, because now I’ve offended who’s offended me.  Unfortunately, there are more times than I’d like to remember that serving my feelings when it didn’t serve a positive purpose, did more harm than good. Long sentence short…Serving my feelings has not served me well.

Now…before you label me a self-centered monster…I must present a disclaimer.  By default of my strong personality (I’m an Aries), the fact that I’m an older sister, and was often relied on to be the “responsible one” as a kid and now as an adult…I was kind of forced into a role of being the “spokesperson” for me and others. I’ve always been the friend to stick up for her friends, the staff to ask the boss for clarity when everyone else wanted it but didn’t want to ask, the family mediator, the sister to speak up to mom for my siblings when they were in trouble, and the significant other to call “BS” when some foolishness went down. In other words, I speak what I feel.

When you have a strong, fiery, and confrontational personality, often you’ll find that those around you don’t challenge you as much as they probably should, and it’s a handicap. I admittedly (uncomfortable transparency here) became comfortable and took pride in the fact that other’s around me heeded what I said, respected my input, even sought it out, and adjustments were made when I called things out.  I told myself that I was doing the right thing, that what I said needed to be heard for the benefit of all involved.  I chastised friends, family, co-workers, significant others, strangers,…you name it. And then life humbled me…REEEEEPEATEDLY. 

After two abusive relationships (more on those another time), damaging a really essential friendship, growing more distant from some family members, all but demolishing my relationship with my mother, getting deeper into my faith, meeting some new friends not hesitant to call me on my ish, entering a relationship with a man who can gently but firmly call me on my ish, losing potential job and leadership opportunities due to perception of me, and some major self-reflection… I identified that the major changes that had to be made, were with me.

Accepting how full of myself I had been and come across as, how blinded I was by feeling like my feelings had to always be validated, hearing how my actions structured the perception of me to others, and hearing how my actions made others feel was TOUGH, to say the least.  Self-reflection felt like self-infliction.  All the change that I thought I was encouraging with my harsh words and reaction, was also changing how others felt about, felt toward and received me. I was now on the end of what I had unleashed so often, so freely… and it was brutal. Another awkward truth…the things I “called out” and change I tried to bring about was coming from a “good” place…but my delivery tinged with my feelings, ruined the messages so bad, that even if change came about, I didn’t realize at what cost. And I didn’t grow in the process.  

Though I’ve grown, I’m still working on and still struggle with speaking my mind with intention not dressed as conviction, void of selfish emotion, and with growth of all parties involved, in mind.  I’m more conscious of how I present my observations, suggestions, corrections, and reflections. I’m learning to self-assess why whatever the trigger is, “triggers” me in the first place and if it indicates change and growth needed in ME…not the recipient of my admonishments/suggestions (depending on who you ask *covers eyes*).  I accept that my worldview isn’t universal and sometimes all the people in my world need is my ear, some reassurance, and maybe some suggestions instead of mandates. 

I know that I am a work in progress, and progress is a process, but I also have to consistently remind myself that this applies to others as well.  Self-reflection is the key to self-correction, self-direction, and self-acceptance.  I will likely always “Serve my Feelings”, but can be more conscious of doing it in a way that assures that positive change can happen.  I am less effective as a wife, friend, family member, educator, clinician, and change maker if I am not my true self, but I know that what I show is as important as what I know. If you find yourself being accused of any or all of the things in this post…do some reflection…ask yourself does your insight seem to hurt more than help? Encourage those that you may have upset to honestly tell you how your actions make them feel AND be open to the feedback.  It may be a little uncomfortable but there is often discomfort in growth. Serving your feelings isn’t a bad thing…doing so and not considering others on the other hand…Well… let’s just say it’s probably not popular with the locals (your immediate circle).  I don’t have all the answers…but I’m tryna shed a little light on my dark so we can all be a little better.  

-MyLifeAsTheWyfe 

There is no growth without inconvenience…

*Deep Sigh 🙄* I haaaaaate being inconvenienced…I know most people do…but it causes me extreme frustration and lately minor anxiety. I’m not a perfectionist, but I need things to operate in decency and order, in order for me to feel “on my square”.

I know that things won’t always go as planned, but have you ever had one of those weeks where it feels like the universe is conspiring against you to make you feel nuttier than squirrel poop?! Welp…This girl right here is trudging through one of those, and Sweeeet Lord I’m ready for it to be over! When I say this week was a clusterf**k of minor crazy…Sheeesh!!! And to make it worse…I can’t even blame it on my monthly “lady time”…nope, that’s a whole separate beast on a whole separate week.

I mean…my students, my therapy clients, my therapy licensing board, my content department at work, the drivers on the highway, my clothes, my stockings (no seriously 😩 my stockings) my bank, the movie theater…you name it…they gave me the blues! Thank GOD for a praying husband, encouraging friends, a family group chat, and a dark sense of humor or I’d be sitting cross-legged in the middle of my bathroom floor rocking back and forth, humming “Amazing Grace” (not that there’s anything wrong with that…it’s just not my idea of a party). To say I’m SPENT after this trying week is an understatement.

When I hit rough patches like this, I try and make a point of identifying what is supposed to be learned or changed from this?…what can I take from this and apply to a situation later? What comes to mind is something that a very close friend (who also happens to have been our wedding officiant) said to us at the altar, and in our pre-wedding sit-down session…”There can be no love without inconvenience”.  While the words are a little different than the title…I’m finding that the concept is the same. One grows emotionally and mentally when working through major and minor inconveniences.  In this case…this week has forced me to “re-route” and recenter both emotionally and mentally.  How do I fix thee?… Let me count the ways…

  • My students – they have been increasingly oppositional and “off-task” this week and initially I internalized it as them just having an issue with me.  As result, I became unintentionally defensive and a little impatient with their teenage antics.  The truth is…it’s close to holiday time, nearing the end of the quarter, and the seasons are changing…and while that may not mean much to many…to teachers its significant. What I forgot to process is…that its significant for students too. SOOOOO I need to get out of my own head and be mindful of what they may need during this transitional period because they essentially take their cues from me.
  • My therapy clients – their lives don’t stop because I’m having a rough week…in fact they seem to encounter even more issues when I’m “off-center”; requiring more than I, at times, feel I am able to give, and I find myself wondering if I’m even helping.  However, they trust me to be open, honest, and effective in order for them to progress…that openness and honesty includes letting them know that I can identify with their daily stressors because I am experiencing my own…which helps me ultimately be more effective.
  • My two jobs – they both require a level of responsibility, diligence, focus, and punctuality from me that I unintentionally, but knowingly slack on sometimes.  My time management has always been an area of weakness for me and procrastination is the result.  The inconveniences I experienced at work this week could have been avoided on various levels if I had been more diligent and respectful of my own time and others’…I am responsible for fixing that and I will.
  • LOL…My clothes and my stockings (yes my stockings) – They don’t fit…there’s no fancy way to say that. However, the cause of that is my poor eating and health habits.  That sounds minor, but it affects me in a major way. I take on so many things that I often forget to care for myself in minor ways, like monitoring what I eat and how my lack of focus on increasing healthy life habits is affecting my weight, which in turn affects my body, which in turn affects my attitude toward myself, which affects my attitude toward everything else.  This week was a breaking point, my stockings were too tight and caused my feet to swell, freaked me out, and added to my stress…long story short…Now I’ve gotta take care of me physically, mentally and, emotionally.

All of this to say…these minor inconveniences this week caused me major frustration, anxiety, and made me feel a little defeated.  Usually when I feel this way I often essentially and emotionally “put my back against the wall” and fight like it’s me against the world, which in turn makes me defensive, snappy, and unfocused.  I’m currently rerouting my thought process regarding inconvenience and was able to find opportunities for growth.  Next week I’ll have a new go at it and see how much better I’ll fare with the changes I identified as needed this week.  If you find yourself smack dab in the middle of the kind of week I’m having…pause, take some mental inventory, and ask yourself what you can learn in the midst? how can you grow? what don’t you know? Hopefully, you’ll find some room from growth while you’re groaning! I sure did!

-MyLifeAsTheWyfe

100 Days in…Forever to Go!

 

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100 whole days since I was sworn in to the Williams administration and I must say…it’s been a dream. This time (10:00 am) on July 15, 2018, the madness was about to begin, Trust me when I say…minor mayhem ensued, to say the least…that day was a whirlwind (we’ll save that for another post…wheew chile).  But it was the best day of the beginning of the best days of my life!!! 

When the smoke cleared (don’t know if that was the steam coming from my ears *that will be explained in the later post mentioned above…lol* – or the cloud I was floating on) I was the proud owner of a shiny new husband, with papers to prove it! I couldn’t believe it…we really made it…let the adventures begin!

Since we’ve tied the knot, the questions I get most often are “How’s Married Life?” and “Do You Feel Any Different?“. The first few times I was asked, I never really had an answer, it was freaking me out a little little bit…and I’m thinking “Am I doing this right?” (hence the title of the blog…lol).  But as the days progress and I’ve had a little time to soak it all in…Here’s what I’ve got so far:

How’s Married Life?

  1. Married life for me is great!!! I get to plan my life with my Best Friend.  Sounds cliche’ but he really is my best friend! Cereal Dates, Marshall’s Runs, Saturday DVR marathons, inside jokes, You mean I get to keep it all!?
  2. Married life is definitely a mental shift. The reality that I was going to be someone’s forever was a little startling at first…but once I settled into it…It became kinda comforting…I’m alll in..fired up and ready to go! 
  3. Married life is an uncovering of sorts. I feel less guilty about expecting the Mr. to take care of me emotionally…he has always made an effort…but some days I intentionally kept feelings of doubt or insecurity to myself bc I didn’t want to overwhelm him. I am a little more open when I’m feeling “down” now and letting him in helps a lot. 

Do You Feel Any Different?

  1. I feel…”safe”…That’s the best way to describe it.  Trust me when I say…I’ve been through my share of shenanigans and foolishness…(I’ll share some of that when appropriate). In addition to the Mr. being tall and cuddly and making me feel physically safe…I am confident I can be my full conflictual self in ALLLL its glory and he’ll love me just the same (maybe not always like me…but love me…lol) 
  2. I feel like I have waaaaay more responsibilities…It’s probably all in my head…but I feel like every decision I make has to be considered in the scope of “How will this affect us both?” Some days that’s immense pressure…not the scary kind…but more like “Don’t do anything impulsive genius”…lol. (*Fun fact*…I’m an Aries so not being impulsive is waaaay hard
  3. I feel like I finally “got it right”…I never gave up on love but I wasn’t 100% convinced that a husband and wifedom was in the deck for me.  I had an annoying knack for choosing a$$hats for significant others and there were days when the Mr. made me believe he was reprising the role…LOL (Yikes!! sorry babe). But the journey to this destination proves that the Big Man Upstairs had his hand on this the whooole time. 

Will these answers change 200 days in…365 in…5 years in…?  I’m absolutely positive they will and I’m geared up for the journey.  Hopefully, you guys will stick it out with me and we’ll ride this roller coaster together.  For those of you still holding out hope, on your way down the aisle, living single and fancy free, or all the stages in between…Hang in there with me too. There will be a little bit of everything for everyone from my viewpoint in —My Life as the Wyfe